On Eliot, Dickinson, The Last of the Mohicans, Field of Dreams, Bladerunner, Franklin and McCartney, ETC!

The Road

Earlier this week a friend posted a quote from TS Eliot’s poem, “The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock.”  Here it is:

There is a sadness in realizing that the person you have become is not the person you once wanted to be. It is the sadness of looking back on your life and seeing all the ways you have compromised, all the dreams you have let go, all the parts of yourself you have lost along the way. And in that sadness, there is a sense of mourning, not just for the life you could have had, but for the person you could have been."

— T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

The comments that followed were somewhat plaintive, expressing a no regrets vibe. I’m glad it did end up there.

I love Eliot, but while he may have been speaking for himself at some point, but he doesn’t speak for me.

I love the movie, “Field of Dreams.” However, one of the points of the story may have been buried in there. Let me elaborate…

A sub text of the story centered around a fictious baseball player, Moonlight Grahm. Grahm was a perpetual denizen of the minor leagues, but got called up to the majors for one game, played one inning and never got to play again. He went on to become a small town doctor and made a career of caring for a community and saving and improving the lives of many before he passed. During the fantasy flashback, Kostner’s character says the it would kill most men to have their dream come so close and have it brush by them like a stranger in a crowd. Grahm (played by Burt Lancaster) says, that never becoming a community doctor would have been the real tragedy. That says it all. Of course, in true feel good movie style, the youthful ghost of Grahm gets to play ball with his heroes in Kostner’s field before saving Kostner’s daughter and going back to being a doctor and then moving on.

I think that is the point of the movie, though it is a sub theme at best.

I recently revisited the following video on my YouTube channel.

I dreamt of becoming a great trumpet soloist, like Rafael Mendez (my hero) or Maurice Andre. Alas it wasn’t meant to be. I was suffering from paralyzing stage fright at the time, an anathema to a concert soloist. My music career took some very different turns, all of which came with great moments and challenging moments. In the end I wouldn’t change a thing! I have some recordings of some great moments, so I can wax poetic like Uncas in the movie version of Last of the Mohicans, and say “I was here!”

I don’t feel sad about the changes in my solo career at all. I opted into a day gig in 1990 of teaching high school physics. The next 25 years or so was spent in trying to the best of my ability to help young people realize how good they already are. I know I slipped up at times along the way, but I hope that I did help young folks grow up a little better.

My wife and I also had to amazing children both of who have grown into wonderful adults, with Ivy League and  U of I educations, careers in music and economics, their wonderful lives in progress.

To have seen all of that potentially not happen because I forced my way into a different career path would have been a tragedy. As to my music, I never stopped it. I lead a dual career lifestyle, and it has been wonderful. It is still in progress, too, by the way.

I retired from day gig in 2017 and set about relaunching my solo career only to be sidelined by a stroke in June of 2020. Most players would have given up by that time, but I am not built that way. With help and support of family and friends hard work and not a little prayer, I have largely rebuilt my playing to the point were I can get back to work at developing into what I want – a world class player, even if only a few people know or care about it. All that matters is that I make the world a little more beautiful and love filled place for my having been involved.

I recently got involved in a dialogue with a young musician who was lamenting his plight and wondering how to proceed with his career. I offer the above musings to offer him hope. Any specific advice was shared personally.

Back to Eliot’s poem…

I love his work, but there is a short poem by Emily Dickinson that is much more to my liking.

"If I Can Stop One Heart from Breaking"

By Emily Dickinson

If I can stop one heart from breaking,

I shall not live in vain;

If I can ease one life the aching,

Or cool one pain,

Or help one fainting robin

Unto his nest again,

I shall not live in vain.

This is what resonates with me. I hope my career in music and education and life have lived up and continue to live up the sentiments expressed in HER poem.

Over the years there are two pop music artist that have delivered performances that bring tears to my eyes.

First. Is Aretha Franklin’s performance at the Kennedy Center Honors when Carole King received her award.

I cry every time I see this. Her voice may have been a little worse for wear and she may have shown her years a bit, but she delivered a spelling binding love filled performance. The love part is important.

The next is more recent – Sir Paul McCartney’s performance on the SNL 50th anniversary show recently.

Same thing: a truly captivating performance of his music delivered with joy and LOVE. You can feel it.

Some of us get to be superstars. Some of us get to mere journeymen musicians in the trenches of the free lance music scene. Some of us get to free-lance musicians AND teachers! Most importantly, ALL OF US MATTER, as long as everything we have done and continue to do is with love!

My lot in life would seem to have changed. It would seem that my place is to show that ageism doesn’t matter and that we can press on even in the apparent face of extreme hardship. If that be the case, challenge accepted.

All of these somewhat random thoughts I offer to those who are trying to figure out their place in the music world – or the world at large.

In Blade Runner, Roy Batty is lamenting that all of the moments he has been part of and witness to will be lost “like tears in rain” with his passing. I argue, that moments of love and beauty, no matter how trivial seeming, CAN’T be lost!  

The last line of McCartney’s tune cited above says it all.

"The love the you take is equal to the love you make!"

Peace, all!

Respectfully submitted,

Nick Drozdoff